Sunday, June 19, 2005

Thoughts of the moment

I've mentioned Traci ***** twice in my public writings, a Columbia Spectator opinion piece and a blog post. Both times, an anonymous commenter called me crazy. Isn't that strange? I mean, I don't think Traci would do that. Well, maybe she would. She fairly well established to me before I left Korea, back in April 2001, that I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. Ah well. It's probably not that strange. I only think it's strange because I don't believe she'd do it, but I can't think of who else would.

Update 7/18/2005: Took out Traci's last name in deference to the anonymous commenter.

When I was a soldier, I was slim to normal in physique, as displayed in these pictures in the Milvets gallery. I've gained a lot of fat-weight since leaving the Army, which isn't altogether a surprise. I predicted it before I ETS'ed. I'm certain that if I lost the weight and returned to anywhere close my military physical condition, I'd go back in. I'm at the point in my college career where I need to decide "what next", and I can't think of another option that feels right. Vines said I would, and that was before we went to war.

We lost the ROTC vote in the Columbia University Senate, an outcome which in itself was not unexpected. Where I am disappointed - and where I must own up to my failure as an ROTC advocate - is that our strong case for ROTC was invisible in the final defining discussion on the senate floor. My hope entering the senate vote was that, even in likely defeat, our position would be entered into the senate's public record, thus altering the future of the ROTC debate on campus. Instead, the senate and the university administration ignored our case for ROTC and adopted, thereby validating, the radical position against ROTC's return. The university senate vote in 1995 was kinder to the military. May 6 was a bad day for me. I came back to help Sean as the 'ACR spokesman' and really as the organizer for the final-month sprint to the senate vote. I failed the cause, the movement that I established on campus. It was a sign that it's time for new blood to take over. I'm confident we have the Truth. What we - and I - must learn is the ways and means of Political Maneuver to empower that Truth.

Next academic year, my extra-curricular focus is getting Milvets on track as the once-again Vice-President of the group. Here is my VP's 'biography statement' on the Milvets website. It won't be easy to stay out of ROTC and related advocacy next year, but I have to do it. I've let go of SU4A, another of my babies; I need to do the same with the ROTC movement. By this time next year, I should be satisfied letting go of Milvets.

- Eric

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're crazy! You are certifiable if you think that I'm Traci. Or maybe you are still sadly obsessed with the girl. That's probably closer to the truth. In short, you are crazy.

7/15/2005 7:25 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Well, the point I was making was that this person made similar comments the two times I mentioned Traci, in two different venues even. Your comment is the 3rd similar occurrence with the same common point. Like I said, I didn't think Traci would do that, but I couldn't think of who else might. At the moment, I still can't think of who it (you, I guess) might be.

Obsessed? Hm, I can't say I was obsessed with Traci. I fell in love with her and I desired her very much, and I was hurt that she and I didn't work out the way I had hoped. But I wasn't obsessed. While my 'court' was a rather pathetic failure, it was also the best I could do, such as it was. I got my closure with her.

It was a long time ago, in a land far away, so why do I bring her up? The time I knew Traci was a hallmark period of my life, and for better and worse, she was part of it. My experience involving her, not the actual present-day Traci, still resonates with me as a point of reference.

I was, however, once obsessed with another girl, a very very attractive young woman who I knew was all wrong for me. An underlying reason I joined the Army was to impress her. Now THAT was crazy stuff - definitely not recommended. (Joining the Army is cool, just don't do it to impress a girl.)

Anyways, thanks for stopping by.

7/17/2005 11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I only think it's strange because I don't believe she'd do it, but I can't think of who else would." Your words seem like hope to me. Just enough to give the impression of hope that it is her, but vague enough that you could easily deny my charge of obsession.

You speak about the time you knew Traci, but after reading the way you describe her ("future mother to your children") it seems that you didn't really know her at all. Instead, you conjured an image of her that you wanted to fall for and forced it upon her. You were in love with a daydream.
I ask you to not write about Traci again. For my part, I will stop commenting on your blog.

I'm probably just making your typing fingers itchy to reply by writing this, but I can't resist getting in the last word.

7/18/2005 8:18 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

That's cool. A purpose for a blog as an open-face forum is cross-net communication. It was my choice to leave an 'anonymous' responding option, after all. It's also my choice - on my blog - to get in the last word.

Of course, the long-term concept of her and me was a dream - I was in love. But I also said she established to me before I came home that I didn't know her like I thought I did. That was that.

It's not hope - it's a common thread. Two times is suspicious. Three times establishes a patterns.

Certainly, you're welcome to continue and comment, if you wish. Have a good day.

7/18/2005 11:54 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

Anonymous commentator,

I'll make this concession. In my blog-post, Memorable quotes from Shane Falco, I took out her last name. Really, if I had put more thought in when I wrote it, I probably wouldn't have included her last name in the first place. It should wash out of web searches within a few weeks.

I don't know if your comments are from concern for Traci, antipathy towards me, for your own internal reasons or what. Apparently, you're someone who knew me at some time, but I don't know who you are ... so, I'll assume the first reason. Be assured, she really is no more than part of my life's history by now, but in my blog as was the case in my old opinion column, I get to draw from my life history, if I choose. Yes, I wish we had worked out and I had high hopes, but whatever I hoped for us and however she and I did not turn out - over 4! years ago on the other side of the world - Traci is a good person. I can't fault you for caring for her.

7/18/2005 1:46 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

You know what? I wonder if the anonymous commentator was Kevin. Hm. Even the comment under the Valentine's Day column, though? Hm.

4/09/2011 4:23 PM  

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